No Excuses

Since deciding to go back to nursing school, an undertaking that I realize will require a huge commitment of time and effort, I have struggled with a few twinges of Mommy Guilt. This is new to me, having been a stay-at-home-mom for lo these nine years. Even before that, I worked part-time at a job that was not very taxing, so I never felt that I was taking anything away from the kids/husband/family.

I have gone back and forth about leaving Joey with a sitter, and the guilt that accompanies that. The other boys are at school all day, and I don't think my school schedule will impact them much at all. I felt like, "OK, so now the trach's out, and I just dump him as soon as I can." Keep in mind that when the trach was in, NO ONE other than Tim or I was able to watch him (except Kristi, who is awesome!). As a consequence, I have spent more time with Joe than both of the other boys put together. But that doesn't exempt me from the aforementioned Mommy Guilt.

Then I decided, the heck with it. I am not going to spend the next four semesters torturing myself about this. I have worked hard to get here, I love to learn, and by God, I'm gonna enjoy it. So there.

Until a very nice lady from church and I got talking on Sunday. I told her my plans, and she said, "Oh, is Joey old enough for school already ?" Um, no, and at this point I don't really know if or when he will be able to go to school. But I didn't say that. What I said was, "Nope, he isn't, but I have found a great lady that just loves him who will watch him for me while I'm at school." And I didn't defend it, or feel guilty about it, or make excuses for it. There are lots of reasons that I want to go back to school. I could blame the economy, the desire to send Alex to a private high school, the need to help our family finances out.

But the real reason I want to become a nurse is because we have been through hell, but in going through hell, I have had wonderful people who have helped me down the road. Sometimes they were doctors, but most often they were nurses. And if I can take an experience that left me completely on my knees, as Joe's medical problems have, and be a blessing to other families, then that's what I want to do. So, no excuses. I've got too much work to do.